Uncommon Sense

I am guilty of many things in life. As I get older I have become more aware that I have been wrong in my thinking and have forced myself to change. This is our job, Right??
I am sure you have all read at least one post on Social Media that begs the question "What were they thinking?" The overall social ineptness of a statement meant to be the proverbial middle finger to society. The post that narrowly classifies the owner of said opinion into a rather self elite group of individuals with the same concepts and views. Later we then view the action of others and beg the question "Do they have any Common Sense?" And when these Statement, actions and posts are questioned, the more common answer is "I don't care what other people think!" "It is my life and I will do what I want.". While I can certainly plead guilty to both of these statements I have to question the cost?

I am certainly not the first person to try and forge his own path through this world. Nor will I be the last. I have, however come to the realization that people like me sometimes forget to empathize with those around us. We often alienate our peers and neighbors by being "Uncommon" in our voice. Lets take for instance a very controversial subject like "Black Lives Matter". While I have many African American friends and understand the need to culturally reiterate history and confront the wrongs of another. I have to also question "Why am I shamed for being white when I never owned a slave or been that person?". Why am I too blankly be a supporter of your movement even if I do not see eye to eye with your stance? Furthermore if I question your motives I am a racist and now the target of a rather large group of angry people.

When we as individuals of a societal whole begin to classify ourselves and forget to see the world around us we become Narrow in our thoughts. It is my job as a part of society to empathize with my fellow Americans both Black and White; Yellow, Brown or otherwise. When we become Narrow in our thought we become Uncommon. Therefore the thought of Common Sense goes out the window. Too often I am challenged to see more of people and in return I have allowed myself to be able to empathize and help gain an understanding of where they are and why they may be saying such things. If we do not open ourselves up to understanding our neighbors than we are stigmatizing ourselves into the proverbial box.

Yes, stupid people exist! However, I do not think stupid stays stupid if we are willing to challenge it appropriately. With so many people having a mindset of "It's my life I will live it how I want!" Common sense begins to be Uncommon in respect to society as a whole. Look, I love you guys and respect the diversity I have in the people I call friends and family. And while this isn't meant to target any one person it is meant to challenge our thought process as a whole. MINE included! Yes it is your life and yes you are free to live it how you want, but I have to ask. How happy are you living in that BOX??

I AM WRONG!

One of my most poignant and memorable moments in life happened when I was a young boy. I had done yet another thing wrong and was yet again in trouble. My father who was no doubt under stress from other outside events unrelating to me went just a little too far in disciplining me. I do not remember the details of what was said, nor do I remember what I did but I do remember the aftermath like it was yesterday.

I retreated to the bathroom which was shared by my sister and I. I began to sob uncontrollably. I was there for maybe a minute or two when a knock came to the door.

Dad "Daniel can you open the door please?" He said in a soft and gentle manner.

I unlocked the door and my father knelt down in front of me grabbing my shoulders as tears fell down his face. He began to apologize and ask for forgiveness as if I had some sort of hold on him. I was none the less shocked and confused by this gesture of humility.

Fast forward about thirty years and I find myself at a kitchen table surrounded by my friends as we talk and socialize of our current events. Jovial attitudes all around, we are continually interrupted by children who seem to not understand the meaning of adult time. My son burst in to the room yet again to ask a question that has already been answered and I yell at him startling him immensely. As the young boy hangs his head and I turn back to the conversation I am met with embarrassing stares all around and a stern look from my wife.

Everything in me wanted to shrug it off. My mind immediately jumped back to that day in the bathroom some thirty years before. I wanted to jump up and secretly tell him I was wrong but knew I would be doing him a disservice. So I returned the boy to the audience of adults and proceeded to eat my words and apologize for my wrong in front of everyone.

Though I may have felt like a heel and been humbled quite a bit, I only hope that one day he understands the significance of self awareness. As parents we often times forget that some of the greatest lessons are not taught by our words but by our actions. I can only pray that in these little things my kids grow up to be effective adults with integrity and honor. I feel the best thing I can do is to emulate my father and let them know I can be wrong.

Food for thought!

Take Care of The Widows

Take Care of The Widows

A few years ago I lost my father in a battle with cancer. No one can ever prepare you for this loss, nor did I foresee just how much I would be affected. During my mourning I took up my camera and started documenting the event following his death. I soon became very aware of how it was affecting those around me and have since become empathetic to those feelings. I began to open my thoughts to where they were and how his death had changed them.

A few months ago I was in conversation with my mom discussing life events. During which she revealed how I had no understanding of the devastating affect my fathers loss has had on her. I begged the question and her answer took me back.

“I was with your father for 38 years and all my adult life. I do not know any other way of living and now have no one to share my daily events with.” She stated in a very somber tone.

Just kids getting married.

I was hit hard with the realization of how alone she really was. It had never crossed my mind just how much I talk to my own wife and share every little detail of our day. I began to image what it would look like to not be able to share our children’s antics or my frustration at work. How would my life look with no one to vent to or laugh with? Where would I get that fulfillment and satisfaction of validation?

These thoughts have haunted me as of late. I feel an overwhelming sense of fear that we do not love our widows and widowers well. I believe it is our job as relational beings to pay attention to our neighbors needs and adjust our lives accordingly. We should not shut them out but rather envelope them into our activities and lives. Help them adjust better into a new understanding of living. Loneliness is a very devastating feeling that can overwhelm us and leave us feeling empty and depressed.

I charge you friends to be proactive and thoughtful of those around you who may be alone. They need our conversation and thoughts. Drop them a line and tell them how much they are worth. It could be the difference between sadness and depression or happiness and self-worth.

Networking & Smarts

Networking

&

Smarts

So I am scrolling through the posts through my daily social networking site when I come across a post that stops me in my tracks. I began to post a response very quickly and well lets just say (in my tone of you don't know your a*& from a hole in the wall), when all of a sudden it hits me.
Proverbs 23:9Don't waste your breath on fools, for they will despise the wisest advice.I am by no means a teacher, prophet, preacher or otherwise but I do learn a thing or two from time to time. I think I finally got this one. His post was this,

Happy for my fellow classmates who are so excited to be wearing a cap and gown in the heat of late March in Florida, and I'm happy to say I will not be one of you sweating in the heat and listening to an overrated commencement speech from a stranger who knows none of you. Have fun! I will most likely be at the beach soaking in the sun :D

My comment was going to be on how this school is all about Networking and I knew the people that were giving the speeches and how it was going to be epic and so not Overrated, BLAH BLAH BLAH. See even you didn't want to read it and you clicked on this blog. Lets face it, The reason some of us succeed and others don't is because of the mentality like this one.

I do not care if I ever win an award or even get touted as a leader of the industry. What I do care about is succeeding beyond my own expectations. I care about making an impact in other peoples life. If i can help just one person than I have succeeded. To be fair I feel I have done just that.

A fellow classmate has pushed the limits of every class and gone above and beyond for every minute he has been hear at school. When he was slacking I pointed it out and like an adult he accepted it and pulled himself up. He is a wise young man who is going far. Like me he knows everyone, talks to everyone, and he has lunches and coffee times set up with instructors and Alumni for when he graduates.

So I say to those who choose to not suffer the heat and attend our graduation. Those who think our speakers are overrated and strangers. Thank you. Thank you for giving us the added edge into the industry so prided on respect and dignity. Pride of learning and knowledge and wisdom. The reason you find poor reviews of a school is because of people like you.

P.S. Please don't come asking me for a job later because I hire off of merit and work.

x

Delusional child

DELUSIONAL CHILD

Who Care?

I know we all want to be special and unique and have everyone worship the ground we walk on. Seriously, Why else would we have kids?

However, YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL!

And, ONLY GOD CARES!

If you don’t get that than you are annoying everyone around you with your rambling and ranting about how unfair the world is to you and how your birthday should shut down governments and be a national holiday.

If you didn’t cure cancer, you don’t get a holiday. Sorry about your luck.

What is more, is the simple fact of your need to moan your woes and force the world to listen to how special you think you are and how hurtful the world is to you.

Really? I mean do you seriously listen to yourself?

There are over 6 billion people on the planet. That is 6,000,000,000! Do you really understand your place here or are you that delusional. I don’t get a holiday! Nor am I complaining that I don’t. Yet you think you deserve to be respected and glorified by all those who come in contact with you.

AND How dare he say that or do that to me?!!?!?

How dare he be honest!?

How dare he tell me what I need to hear and not worship me for a snot nose little brat I am; how dare he treat me like a spoiled little child who has been given everything and never worked a day in my life.

Reality check!

I am a kitty cat compared to how the world is going to treat you real soon. The only difference is I care enough to write this and be honest with you about how you act and about how others (not your so called friends) see you!

PEACE

Mementos

My wife and I are doing the everyday chores on a Sunday and anticipating the coming start to the New Year. Back to work, back to school, and back to the routine.

So there I am folding clothes and keeping the baby from tearing up my nice neat stacks when I run across the blanket.

  When Sophia was just born there was a blanket that I remember being very fond of wrapping her in. It is very soft with bumblebees on it. Every time I see this blanket I am transported to a time when she was no bigger than my hand and I just smile.

There are Items like this everywhere in my life. I walked around my apt just to get a glimpse of a few.

The plaque.    

My grandfather carved this for my father many years ago. I ended up with it before my father passed away. It is located in my kitchen and every time I see it I am reminded of a man younger than I am now. Sitting on a lawn chair in shorts, drinking an iced tea, smoking a cigarette, laughing at a joke only he got. It is my most prized memory next to the birth of my daughter.

The cane.  

Hand carved Ebony wood with a solid silver top and lead base. A priceless piece though I know it has significant value. This Cane has the ability to evoke many fond moments. Most of these are of random trips my mother and I would take to see my Great Uncle Lewis (His Cane).  I would sit in a corner of a nursing home as he would tell amazing stories of a time I could only dream of. The other memory is of the day I was given such a unique treasure. My Aunt Shelia was cleaning up after the death of her husband and I was visiting her to help and console when she presented me with the cane. I was honored and to this day cannot remember much of the trip other than that one moment.

The Picture.  

The picture was from a time I almost do not even know anymore.  My mother was taking photography classes and snapped this picture of my father. The bug in the background was my first car and I can remember the day we picked it up. Him and I were driving what I thought was a random trip when all of a sudden it turned in to my first car buying journey. I thought I had found the greatest treasure on earth that day.

The Shirt.  

The day was March 28^th, 2001. I made my way through a series of gated corridors’ until I was finally free after six years of incarceration. Once I was released from the clutches of my mothers' hug, she began to pull the prison garb from my back. She stated she could not spend another minute looking at me in such attire. Once we got back to the hotel I was given a get out of jail free card (it is in a box) and this shirt.  I cannot wear the shirt anymore for fear of tearing it. The fabric is so thin it now has random holes on the sleeves and collar from too much wear in the first four or five years. But to this day I still reach in my closet and pull it out to remember how it felt on that day and how happy I am to be free.

I hope in twenty or thirty years you too will have such mementos to enjoy your memories.

Grow up

GROW UP 

Now when I talk about myself, I will generally be harsh and add a few heavy embellishing traits that make me look even worse. I tend to be the hardest critic in my life and find that to be perfectly fine. I have done my fair share of crap and I am certain I have done my share of dirt to other people. I do know however that over the last fifteen years I have strenuously worked at rectifying those wrongs.

I think my biggest frustration is that people only see the crap that is done to them while never paying attention to how they treat other people. I am approached and told something by someone who feels I owe them an apology meanwhile never remembering the bold faced lie they told to me and on me. It is like it never existed. Just because something is not brought up does not make it ok. Did the societal segregation of blacks make it ok to be racist? No! So do not assume,  just because something is not expounded upon does not make it ok. Check yourself first.

That said, Grow up, and clean up your own back yard. And Front for that matter. Stop looking everywhere else and start looking at your self. I know I do and like I said, I am my worst critic. If you feel you are being disrespected and hurt. It is your job to confront the person and explain in a personal one on one manner. If you are not going to do that than shut up sit down and chill the F*&k out. Most of all Keep it to yourself. The rest of us have grown up crap to take care of.